I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize