oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize