How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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