I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
