Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
