rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
