can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
