you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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