we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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