It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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