Kiss
Puke
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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