they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
