Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I didn't notice because vodka
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
