Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
