I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
