you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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