someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
