fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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