last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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