oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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