i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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