Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
