I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
