dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
