"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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