birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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