Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
