I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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