just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
