Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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