check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
