Sponge bath it is.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
