PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
