the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
