So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
