Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
