don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
