just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
