he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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