I just pynch a tree in the face
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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