I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
