Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
