Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
