While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
