I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize