it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
NoShamevember. You game?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
