He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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