im holly from the hills drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
