I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
