Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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