im holly from the hills drunk
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
