my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
