apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize