The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
