she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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