okay pat passed out under dana's car
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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