i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
