Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
