I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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