i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
