I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
