I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
