just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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