I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
