i think my mom watched the whole time
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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