I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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