It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
