I cannot find my penis.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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